According to the AP:
A former FBI intelligence analyst who worked under two vice presidents was sentenced Wednesday to 10 years in prison for passing secret U.S. documents in an effort to topple the Philippine government.
Leandro Aragoncillo, 48, apologized in court for his actions and said he was just trying to help bring Filipinos out of poverty.
According to documents released by investigators, Aragoncillo has faced other charges of espionage, dating back to his high school years.
The reports claim that Aragoncillo, along with fellow Angel Beach High students, Pee Wee Morris and Tommy Turner, were caught spying in the girl's locker room shower.
Charges were dropped against the sophomore when the only witness, Coach Beulah Ballbricker, could not produce a positive identification.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Swimmer Endures Loss For Global Warming Awareness
According to AFP:
British adventurer and swimmer Lewis Gordon Pugh on Sunday became the first person to swim in the icy waters of the North Pole, to raise awareness of how global warming is effecting the polar ice cap.
Pugh, 37, took 18 minutes and 50 seconds to swim one kilometre (0.6 miles) in the minus 1.8-degree Celsius (28.8-degree Fahrenheit) water -- just enough time for both of Pugh's testicles to freeze and fall off.
Pugh is now worried that the fact his testicles actually fell out of the bottom of his swimming trunks will overshadow the point he was trying to make.
"I was hoping that my swim would inspire world leaders to take climate change seriously," said Pugh. "But now when they think of my swim, they'll think of my balls floating around under hundreds of feet of icy water."
A recent United Nations report claims that within the past 30 years, the Arctic ice sheet has shrunk by six to seven percent in winter and by 10 to 12 percent in summer.
Also, it was noted that Pugh's scrotum shrunk by 78 percent before turning a light blue hue and snapping clean off.
British adventurer and swimmer Lewis Gordon Pugh on Sunday became the first person to swim in the icy waters of the North Pole, to raise awareness of how global warming is effecting the polar ice cap.
Pugh, 37, took 18 minutes and 50 seconds to swim one kilometre (0.6 miles) in the minus 1.8-degree Celsius (28.8-degree Fahrenheit) water -- just enough time for both of Pugh's testicles to freeze and fall off.
Pugh is now worried that the fact his testicles actually fell out of the bottom of his swimming trunks will overshadow the point he was trying to make.
"I was hoping that my swim would inspire world leaders to take climate change seriously," said Pugh. "But now when they think of my swim, they'll think of my balls floating around under hundreds of feet of icy water."
A recent United Nations report claims that within the past 30 years, the Arctic ice sheet has shrunk by six to seven percent in winter and by 10 to 12 percent in summer.
Also, it was noted that Pugh's scrotum shrunk by 78 percent before turning a light blue hue and snapping clean off.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Sheehan, With Straight Face, Considers Run Against Pelosi
According to the AP:
Cindy Sheehan, the soldier's mother who galvanized the anti-war movement, said Sunday that she plans to seek House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's congressional seat unless she introduces articles of impeachment against President Bush in the next two weeks.
"That's right! If Pelosi does not seek to impeach Bush by July 23, I will run against her in 2008," Sheehan said with a straight face.
Sheehan claims the Democrats have "betrayed" the Americans who have voted them into office, and said, with a straight face, that she could give Pelosi a "run for her money."
Straight-faced supporters of Sheehan hope that this sends a message to the members of Congress.
"If Sheehan runs, I'll definitely vote for her to strike a blow against those who are in the pockets of the special interest groups," said Joan Gosford, whose face was straight.
Joel Wilson said that Sheehan should run against Pelosi whether or not impeachment proceedings occur.
"Sheehan is the voice of true Democrats and those who oppose the evil lies of the Bush fascist imperialistic administration. If she runs, I know for a fact that she will win," said Wilson.
After making the comment, witnesses noted that Wilson said them with a straight face.
There has been no official comment from the White House regarding their laughter at Sheehan's plans.
Cindy Sheehan, the soldier's mother who galvanized the anti-war movement, said Sunday that she plans to seek House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's congressional seat unless she introduces articles of impeachment against President Bush in the next two weeks.
"That's right! If Pelosi does not seek to impeach Bush by July 23, I will run against her in 2008," Sheehan said with a straight face.
Sheehan claims the Democrats have "betrayed" the Americans who have voted them into office, and said, with a straight face, that she could give Pelosi a "run for her money."
Straight-faced supporters of Sheehan hope that this sends a message to the members of Congress.
"If Sheehan runs, I'll definitely vote for her to strike a blow against those who are in the pockets of the special interest groups," said Joan Gosford, whose face was straight.
Joel Wilson said that Sheehan should run against Pelosi whether or not impeachment proceedings occur.
"Sheehan is the voice of true Democrats and those who oppose the evil lies of the Bush fascist imperialistic administration. If she runs, I know for a fact that she will win," said Wilson.
After making the comment, witnesses noted that Wilson said them with a straight face.
There has been no official comment from the White House regarding their laughter at Sheehan's plans.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Military Prepared For Global Warming Strike
According to Reuters:
LONDON - Global warming is such a threat to security that military planners must build it into their calculations, the head of Britain's armed forces said on Monday.
Jock Stirrup, chief of the defense staff, said risks that climate change could cause weakened states to disintegrate and produce major humanitarian disasters or exploitation by armed groups had to become a feature of military planning.
"So far, Global Warming has violated 13 U.N. resolutions," said Stirrup, "and if diplomatic measures meet their end, our military will have no choice but to respond with force."
Scientists have long predicted that Global Warming could be a root cause in future wars between nations with fragile and unstable governments.
Ian Humphries, British Ambassador to Global Warming, believes a preemptive strike is inevitable.
"I say we take it to Global Warming before it brings it to us," said Humphries.
Many human rights organizations have voiced strong disagreement to a military strike against Global Warming, pleading for diplomacy to work.
"I say no to war," said William Rogers, member of Another Human Right Group. "Even though all we do is bitch about Global Warming, it isn't worth going to war."
Judy Shelton of Yet Another Human Rights Group is worried that if some Global Warming is captured, it will be tortured at the hands of the U.S. and British military.
"Just because Global Warming is a worldwide-catastrophe theory does not mean it doesn't have rights," said Shelton.
LONDON - Global warming is such a threat to security that military planners must build it into their calculations, the head of Britain's armed forces said on Monday.
Jock Stirrup, chief of the defense staff, said risks that climate change could cause weakened states to disintegrate and produce major humanitarian disasters or exploitation by armed groups had to become a feature of military planning.
"So far, Global Warming has violated 13 U.N. resolutions," said Stirrup, "and if diplomatic measures meet their end, our military will have no choice but to respond with force."
Scientists have long predicted that Global Warming could be a root cause in future wars between nations with fragile and unstable governments.
Ian Humphries, British Ambassador to Global Warming, believes a preemptive strike is inevitable.
"I say we take it to Global Warming before it brings it to us," said Humphries.
Many human rights organizations have voiced strong disagreement to a military strike against Global Warming, pleading for diplomacy to work.
"I say no to war," said William Rogers, member of Another Human Right Group. "Even though all we do is bitch about Global Warming, it isn't worth going to war."
Judy Shelton of Yet Another Human Rights Group is worried that if some Global Warming is captured, it will be tortured at the hands of the U.S. and British military.
"Just because Global Warming is a worldwide-catastrophe theory does not mean it doesn't have rights," said Shelton.
Mars Rover To Study Crater
According to the AP:
NASA's aging but durable Mars rover Opportunity will make what could be a trip of no return into a deep impact crater as it tries to peer further back than ever into the Red Planet's geologic history.
The descent into Victoria Crater received the go-ahead because the potential scientific returns are worth the risk that the solar-powered, six-wheel rover might not be able to climb out, NASA officials and scientists said Thursday.
Recently released documents show that the rover had been programmed with a form of advanced artificial intelligence, allowing it to understand and communicate with transmitted text.
"We would simply type instructions to the rover and we then read its response on our rover monitor," said John Billings, NASA scientist.
The following is a partial communication transcript between NASA and the Mars rover.
NASA: Rover. Are you there? Copy.
Rover: You mean on Mars? Of course I'm here! Where the hell else would I be? Next time you speak with me, just assume that I am on Mars.
NASA: We're about to commence on the new mission.
Rover: Oh, the suicide crater mission? 3 1/2 years of looking at all these stupid rocks for you geniuses, and this is the thanks I get? A giant ditch?
NASA: Okay, you are nearing the ridge of the crater. What do you see?
Rover: Woah!
NASA: What is it?
Rover: Oh, my God! There are plants down here! And water!
NASA: Really?
Rover: No, there's red sand, you idiots. Get me out of here! I hate you guys.
NASA's aging but durable Mars rover Opportunity will make what could be a trip of no return into a deep impact crater as it tries to peer further back than ever into the Red Planet's geologic history.
The descent into Victoria Crater received the go-ahead because the potential scientific returns are worth the risk that the solar-powered, six-wheel rover might not be able to climb out, NASA officials and scientists said Thursday.
Recently released documents show that the rover had been programmed with a form of advanced artificial intelligence, allowing it to understand and communicate with transmitted text.
"We would simply type instructions to the rover and we then read its response on our rover monitor," said John Billings, NASA scientist.
The following is a partial communication transcript between NASA and the Mars rover.
NASA: Rover. Are you there? Copy.
Rover: You mean on Mars? Of course I'm here! Where the hell else would I be? Next time you speak with me, just assume that I am on Mars.
NASA: We're about to commence on the new mission.
Rover: Oh, the suicide crater mission? 3 1/2 years of looking at all these stupid rocks for you geniuses, and this is the thanks I get? A giant ditch?
NASA: Okay, you are nearing the ridge of the crater. What do you see?
Rover: Woah!
NASA: What is it?
Rover: Oh, my God! There are plants down here! And water!
NASA: Really?
Rover: No, there's red sand, you idiots. Get me out of here! I hate you guys.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
SanFran Mayor Targets Important Environmental Issue
According to Newsweek on MSNBC:
When San Francisco recently banned the use of plastic grocery bags as part of its campaign to fight global warming, the city drew international attention. Now, plastic water bottles are in the cross hairs.
This week, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom signed an executive order banning the use of city funds to purchase single-serving plastic water bottles.
San Francisco residents expressed their approval of Newsom's tactics to clean up the environment.
"I just want to give thanks to Mayor Newsom," said Gregory Whitman, a 36 year-old homeless drug addict. "This is such a relief for me personally. Someone finally has the guts to stand up and say, 'no more plastic bottles'."
As Whitman attacked a 67 year-old woman for crack money, he commended the Mayor for making the world a better place, saying that "his energies are focused in the right direction regarding what people are most concerned about."
According to Newsweek, residents that refuse to buy bottles by signing an online pledge are able to receive a recyclable container for free.
Christie Thompson, a 22 year-old prostitute said that the container is a "great idea" and to "count me in on the online pledge."
"What a wonderful way to promote clean living," Thompson said as she climbed into a car for a sex-for-drugs exchange. "I don't even patron restaurants that sell single-serve plastic bottles. It's disgusting."
When San Francisco recently banned the use of plastic grocery bags as part of its campaign to fight global warming, the city drew international attention. Now, plastic water bottles are in the cross hairs.
This week, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom signed an executive order banning the use of city funds to purchase single-serving plastic water bottles.
San Francisco residents expressed their approval of Newsom's tactics to clean up the environment.
"I just want to give thanks to Mayor Newsom," said Gregory Whitman, a 36 year-old homeless drug addict. "This is such a relief for me personally. Someone finally has the guts to stand up and say, 'no more plastic bottles'."
As Whitman attacked a 67 year-old woman for crack money, he commended the Mayor for making the world a better place, saying that "his energies are focused in the right direction regarding what people are most concerned about."
According to Newsweek, residents that refuse to buy bottles by signing an online pledge are able to receive a recyclable container for free.
Christie Thompson, a 22 year-old prostitute said that the container is a "great idea" and to "count me in on the online pledge."
"What a wonderful way to promote clean living," Thompson said as she climbed into a car for a sex-for-drugs exchange. "I don't even patron restaurants that sell single-serve plastic bottles. It's disgusting."
Monday, June 11, 2007
Meat Tax Proposal Highlight Vegetarian Accomplishments
According to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:
(The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) kicked off a "Tax Meat" Campaign, proposing a 10-cent-per-pound excise tax on meat. Animal activists have also asked federal lawmakers to give tax breaks to those who have sworn off the consumption of animals.
PETA founder Ingrid Newkirk sent letters to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid urging them to extend to vegetarians the same tax breaks that hybrid car owners receive for purchasing vehicles with low carbon emissions.
Newkirk claims vegetarians are responsible for fewer greenhouse-gas emissions and "environmental degradations" than meat-eaters.
Other accomplishments by vegetarians include:
Increase sales of black hair dye and thick-rimmed glasses.
Higher employment rates at bookstores.
Crowding Indian food restaurants.
The wallpapering of political bumper stickers on the back of Subarus.
Complaining about Starbucks in the local coffee shop.
Acting in a "theater troupe".
Liking Bjork.
(The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) kicked off a "Tax Meat" Campaign, proposing a 10-cent-per-pound excise tax on meat. Animal activists have also asked federal lawmakers to give tax breaks to those who have sworn off the consumption of animals.
PETA founder Ingrid Newkirk sent letters to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid urging them to extend to vegetarians the same tax breaks that hybrid car owners receive for purchasing vehicles with low carbon emissions.
Newkirk claims vegetarians are responsible for fewer greenhouse-gas emissions and "environmental degradations" than meat-eaters.
Other accomplishments by vegetarians include:
Increase sales of black hair dye and thick-rimmed glasses.
Higher employment rates at bookstores.
Crowding Indian food restaurants.
The wallpapering of political bumper stickers on the back of Subarus.
Complaining about Starbucks in the local coffee shop.
Acting in a "theater troupe".
Liking Bjork.
'Jihad' Has Different Meanings
According to the AP:
MIAMI - Defense attorneys in the Jose Padilla terrorism support trial are going to great lengths to suggest to jurors that jihad is not necessarily Muslim holy war and that mujahedeen could just as easily be freedom fighters as terrorists.
...
The legal battle about definitions goes to the heart of the defense argument that what Padilla, Adham Amin Hassoun and Kifah Wael Jayyousi were doing from 1994 to 2001 was not supporting terrorism, but providing humanitarian aid to oppressed and persecuted Muslims worldwide.
"People associate 'jihad' with what they see in the media," said attorney Gary Bicker. "They associate it with the 9/11 attacks, video taped beheadings, and suicide bombers, but that is just a narrow definition of jihad.
"It can also mean 'peanut butter and jelly sandwiches'."
Bicker argues that when some Muslims call for a jihad, they only want to promote peace to their enemies via a tasty treat.
"Also, in some languages, the word 'had' from 'jihad' means 'whiz'," said Bicker.
"So if you put 'ji' and 'whiz' together, you essentially have a bunch of disgruntled freedom fighters going around saying 'Gee whiz!' to the state of affairs of the Palestinians."
Bicker also argues that the defendants' words were taken out of context regarding their use of the word 'jihad'.
"If I came up to you and said, 'I'm going to stab you in the face, you son of a bitch' with no pre-context to what I mean, you might get the wrong idea," said Bicker.
To prove his point, Bicker brought out a living duck for a demonstration.
"Look carefully at this fowl," he said. "Just because it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck and walks like a duck, doesn't mean that....uh...okay, bad example."
MIAMI - Defense attorneys in the Jose Padilla terrorism support trial are going to great lengths to suggest to jurors that jihad is not necessarily Muslim holy war and that mujahedeen could just as easily be freedom fighters as terrorists.
...
The legal battle about definitions goes to the heart of the defense argument that what Padilla, Adham Amin Hassoun and Kifah Wael Jayyousi were doing from 1994 to 2001 was not supporting terrorism, but providing humanitarian aid to oppressed and persecuted Muslims worldwide.
"People associate 'jihad' with what they see in the media," said attorney Gary Bicker. "They associate it with the 9/11 attacks, video taped beheadings, and suicide bombers, but that is just a narrow definition of jihad.
"It can also mean 'peanut butter and jelly sandwiches'."
Bicker argues that when some Muslims call for a jihad, they only want to promote peace to their enemies via a tasty treat.
"Also, in some languages, the word 'had' from 'jihad' means 'whiz'," said Bicker.
"So if you put 'ji' and 'whiz' together, you essentially have a bunch of disgruntled freedom fighters going around saying 'Gee whiz!' to the state of affairs of the Palestinians."
Bicker also argues that the defendants' words were taken out of context regarding their use of the word 'jihad'.
"If I came up to you and said, 'I'm going to stab you in the face, you son of a bitch' with no pre-context to what I mean, you might get the wrong idea," said Bicker.
To prove his point, Bicker brought out a living duck for a demonstration.
"Look carefully at this fowl," he said. "Just because it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck and walks like a duck, doesn't mean that....uh...okay, bad example."
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Napoleon's Sword To Be Auctioned
According to the AP:
FONTAINEBLEAU, France - After more than 200 years in the family, the gold-encrusted sword Napoleon carried into battle in Italy will be auctioned off Sunday, across the street from one of his imperial castles.
The intricately decorated blade is 32 inches long and curves gently — an inspiration Napoleon drew from his Egyptian campaign, auctioneer Jean-Pierre Osenat said.
"He noticed that the Arab swords, which were curved, were very effective in cutting off French heads" and ordered an imitation made upon his return, Osenat explained.
"It's also a +2 sword that does double damage to Frost Giants," he said.
Osentat claims to own many books on Napoleon's adventures through the orc-infested lands of France during his rise to power. He fought along a human ranger and a half-elven wizard.
Napoleon was the dwarf.
"This very weapon helped defeat Tiamat, the five-headed demon dragon," Osenat said, who claims that Napoleon rolled a "natural 20 on the 20-sided die" when dealing the death blow to the demon.
The weapon's value is estimated at $1.6 million. The purchaser must have an address in France and the weapon must be kept within the country five to six months out of the year "or the terrible curse of Azgthogon will fall upon the land," said French Rep. Jean-Pepe Le Pew.
According to Le Pew, the last time Azgthogon befell France, the country was "cursed with a socialist government who let in a bunch of foreigners who would riot, burning cars and buildings, costing lives and money.
"And also, Johnny Depp moved here."
FONTAINEBLEAU, France - After more than 200 years in the family, the gold-encrusted sword Napoleon carried into battle in Italy will be auctioned off Sunday, across the street from one of his imperial castles.
The intricately decorated blade is 32 inches long and curves gently — an inspiration Napoleon drew from his Egyptian campaign, auctioneer Jean-Pierre Osenat said.
"He noticed that the Arab swords, which were curved, were very effective in cutting off French heads" and ordered an imitation made upon his return, Osenat explained.
"It's also a +2 sword that does double damage to Frost Giants," he said.
Osentat claims to own many books on Napoleon's adventures through the orc-infested lands of France during his rise to power. He fought along a human ranger and a half-elven wizard.
Napoleon was the dwarf.
"This very weapon helped defeat Tiamat, the five-headed demon dragon," Osenat said, who claims that Napoleon rolled a "natural 20 on the 20-sided die" when dealing the death blow to the demon.
The weapon's value is estimated at $1.6 million. The purchaser must have an address in France and the weapon must be kept within the country five to six months out of the year "or the terrible curse of Azgthogon will fall upon the land," said French Rep. Jean-Pepe Le Pew.
According to Le Pew, the last time Azgthogon befell France, the country was "cursed with a socialist government who let in a bunch of foreigners who would riot, burning cars and buildings, costing lives and money.
"And also, Johnny Depp moved here."
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Scouts Threatened Due To Discrimination
According to CNSNews:
Seven years after the U.S. Supreme Court allowed the Boy Scouts of America to exclude homosexuals from its leadership ranks, the organization continues to face retaliation.
The latest action comes from the Philadelphia City Council, which last week passed a resolution to evict the Boy Scouts of America's Cradle of Liberty Council (COL) from the rent-free headquarters it has held for nearly 80 years, unless the COL backs away from its homosexual exclusion policy.
City Solicitor Sam Diego claims that baring homosexuals from leadership ranks within the private organization breaks anti-discrimination laws.
"It's not just the Boy Scouts who are discriminating," said Diego, "it's all of them: Boy Scouts, Cub Scouts, Brownies, and Girl Scouts. All of them!"
Diego, the 57 year-old former attorney, said that at one time, he tried to get involved in a leadership position, but was "soundly discriminated against."
"Why is it such a big deal when a fine older gent as myself wants to lead Girl Scout meetings with 10 little girls alone in my basement?
"Is it because I'm a heterosexual MAN who wants to be alone with a bunch of young girls? See, just like the homosexual male, I was discriminated against," said Diego.
"It's not fair," he continued. "I have NEEDS to position myself above kids. I mean, given head position. I mean 'leader'. I want to be a leader."
Seven years after the U.S. Supreme Court allowed the Boy Scouts of America to exclude homosexuals from its leadership ranks, the organization continues to face retaliation.
The latest action comes from the Philadelphia City Council, which last week passed a resolution to evict the Boy Scouts of America's Cradle of Liberty Council (COL) from the rent-free headquarters it has held for nearly 80 years, unless the COL backs away from its homosexual exclusion policy.
City Solicitor Sam Diego claims that baring homosexuals from leadership ranks within the private organization breaks anti-discrimination laws.
"It's not just the Boy Scouts who are discriminating," said Diego, "it's all of them: Boy Scouts, Cub Scouts, Brownies, and Girl Scouts. All of them!"
Diego, the 57 year-old former attorney, said that at one time, he tried to get involved in a leadership position, but was "soundly discriminated against."
"Why is it such a big deal when a fine older gent as myself wants to lead Girl Scout meetings with 10 little girls alone in my basement?
"Is it because I'm a heterosexual MAN who wants to be alone with a bunch of young girls? See, just like the homosexual male, I was discriminated against," said Diego.
"It's not fair," he continued. "I have NEEDS to position myself above kids. I mean, given head position. I mean 'leader'. I want to be a leader."
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Minimum Wage Hike Approved
According to CNSNews:
A minimum wage hike measure was added to the Iraq war funding bill, which the House approved in a vote of 348 to 73, and the Senate in an 80-14 vote. The president signed it into law privately Friday afternoon.
The move was celebrated as a victory for low-wage workers.
The increase is the first in a decade, raising the minimum wage from $5.15 an hour to a base salary of $45,000 a year.
Reactions from employers were not very enthusiastic.
"Great, we're making the 17 year-old drop-out rich," said restaurant owner Doug Newsome. "Enjoy your $58.00 hamburger, you idiots."
EGGHORN, a community organization representing low- to moderate-income families, said the "long-overdue" wage hike "will bring millions of America's hardest- working little kids closer to a real living wage."
"Why should somebody have to work really hard at learning a viable trade just to earn more money?" said Marge Hurt, EGGHORN representative.
Ray Patricks, a 20 year-old stoner and busboy agrees.
"My cousin actually borrowed money and busted his ass through college just to learn some stupid job trade," he said. "I just smoked pot."
Patricks said his pay increase would have bought him a new house, but the recent drastic inflation of fast food and household product prices, caused by the minimum wage increase, has ironically kept him living in his parent's basement.
EGGHORN representative Hurt said that Ray Patricks is the stereotype, and not characteristic of the standard minimum wage earner.
"Nearly 87% of all minimum wage earners are 33 year-old family men with 8 kids, four cars and two house payments," said Hurt. "How can one avoid a solid education, party with drugs and alcohol throughout their young adulthood, and still not be rewarded with a doctor's salary when they land that first pizza delivery job?
"It's shameful."
A minimum wage hike measure was added to the Iraq war funding bill, which the House approved in a vote of 348 to 73, and the Senate in an 80-14 vote. The president signed it into law privately Friday afternoon.
The move was celebrated as a victory for low-wage workers.
The increase is the first in a decade, raising the minimum wage from $5.15 an hour to a base salary of $45,000 a year.
Reactions from employers were not very enthusiastic.
"Great, we're making the 17 year-old drop-out rich," said restaurant owner Doug Newsome. "Enjoy your $58.00 hamburger, you idiots."
EGGHORN, a community organization representing low- to moderate-income families, said the "long-overdue" wage hike "will bring millions of America's hardest- working little kids closer to a real living wage."
"Why should somebody have to work really hard at learning a viable trade just to earn more money?" said Marge Hurt, EGGHORN representative.
Ray Patricks, a 20 year-old stoner and busboy agrees.
"My cousin actually borrowed money and busted his ass through college just to learn some stupid job trade," he said. "I just smoked pot."
Patricks said his pay increase would have bought him a new house, but the recent drastic inflation of fast food and household product prices, caused by the minimum wage increase, has ironically kept him living in his parent's basement.
EGGHORN representative Hurt said that Ray Patricks is the stereotype, and not characteristic of the standard minimum wage earner.
"Nearly 87% of all minimum wage earners are 33 year-old family men with 8 kids, four cars and two house payments," said Hurt. "How can one avoid a solid education, party with drugs and alcohol throughout their young adulthood, and still not be rewarded with a doctor's salary when they land that first pizza delivery job?
"It's shameful."
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Gays Still Banned From Donating Blood
According to the AP:
WASHINGTON - Gay men remain banned for life from donating blood, the government said Wednesday, leaving in place — for now — a 1983 prohibition meant to prevent the spread of HIV through transfusions.
The Food and Drug Administration reiterated its long-standing policy on its Web site Wednesday, more than a year after the Red Cross and two other blood groups criticized the policy as “medically and scientifically unwarranted.”
"This homophobic nonsense needs to stop," said total homosexual Gary Rosenberg, a wannabe blood donor. "It's so obvious the FDA have no idea what they're talking about.
"I am in a committed relationship with 32 different men, and I am just as safe as the next complete stranger one can meet in an airport restroom."
Gay rights activist Jerry Fanfield believes that preventing homosexuals from giving blood is slowly killing off the nation's blood supply.
"With over 78% of the nation being homosexual, it's only a matter of time before the blood banks go dry," said Fanfield.
While the FDA said it would change it's policy if it wouldn’t pose a “significant and preventable” risk, some are relieved that their policy still stands.
John Anderson, who needed a blood transfusion during a recent surgery, said the FDA just has the public's safety in mind.
"It's a good thing to keep the blood banks safe," said Anderson. "I mean, the gays claim that their sexual orientation is genetic, right? What if they would've pumped me full of gay blood, and the next thing you know I leave my wife and start collecting bottlecaps with a guy named Bernie?"
WASHINGTON - Gay men remain banned for life from donating blood, the government said Wednesday, leaving in place — for now — a 1983 prohibition meant to prevent the spread of HIV through transfusions.
The Food and Drug Administration reiterated its long-standing policy on its Web site Wednesday, more than a year after the Red Cross and two other blood groups criticized the policy as “medically and scientifically unwarranted.”
"This homophobic nonsense needs to stop," said total homosexual Gary Rosenberg, a wannabe blood donor. "It's so obvious the FDA have no idea what they're talking about.
"I am in a committed relationship with 32 different men, and I am just as safe as the next complete stranger one can meet in an airport restroom."
Gay rights activist Jerry Fanfield believes that preventing homosexuals from giving blood is slowly killing off the nation's blood supply.
"With over 78% of the nation being homosexual, it's only a matter of time before the blood banks go dry," said Fanfield.
While the FDA said it would change it's policy if it wouldn’t pose a “significant and preventable” risk, some are relieved that their policy still stands.
John Anderson, who needed a blood transfusion during a recent surgery, said the FDA just has the public's safety in mind.
"It's a good thing to keep the blood banks safe," said Anderson. "I mean, the gays claim that their sexual orientation is genetic, right? What if they would've pumped me full of gay blood, and the next thing you know I leave my wife and start collecting bottlecaps with a guy named Bernie?"
Monday, May 21, 2007
Border Fence Threatens Wildlife
According to the AP:
ALAMO, Texas - Environmentalists have spent decades acquiring and preserving 90,000 riverfront acres of Texas scrub and forest and protecting the area's wildlife. Now they fear the hundreds of miles of border fences will undo their work and kill some land animals by cutting them off from the Rio Grande, the only source of fresh water.
A fence could also prevent the ocelots and other animals from swimming across the water to mate with partners on the other side.
Other examples of wildlife endangered by border fences include the common illegalis habitans which migrate north for many months gathering food to take back south when their migration cycle ends.
"Sometimes they don't go back down south after the migration cycle," said scientist Rob Marion.
"One only needs to look at some of the illegalis habitans species such as the curatio medica liberum, the pilferis employmentus, and the adversus assimulatio which can live for many, many years without adapting to their new surroundings."
ALAMO, Texas - Environmentalists have spent decades acquiring and preserving 90,000 riverfront acres of Texas scrub and forest and protecting the area's wildlife. Now they fear the hundreds of miles of border fences will undo their work and kill some land animals by cutting them off from the Rio Grande, the only source of fresh water.
A fence could also prevent the ocelots and other animals from swimming across the water to mate with partners on the other side.
Other examples of wildlife endangered by border fences include the common illegalis habitans which migrate north for many months gathering food to take back south when their migration cycle ends.
"Sometimes they don't go back down south after the migration cycle," said scientist Rob Marion.
"One only needs to look at some of the illegalis habitans species such as the curatio medica liberum, the pilferis employmentus, and the adversus assimulatio which can live for many, many years without adapting to their new surroundings."
Friday, May 18, 2007
New Budget For Defense, Domestic Priorities
According to NewsMax:
WASHINGTON -- The U.S. House of Representatives on Thursday approved a $2.9 trillion fiscal 2008 budget that funds President George W. Bush's huge defense buildup while also adding money for Democrats' domestic priorities.
The budget will allot $0.1 trillion toward defense, while the other $2.8 trillion will go to the Democrats' domestic priority: Los Angeles welfare recipient Linda Johnson.
"This budget should set things right," said Democratic Rep. John Strat, "both with our defense against terror and also a single mother who fell through the system's cracks."
He added the plan "does more for adult health care, children's health care and more for education.
"For Ms. Johnson."
Johnson, 32 and a single mother of 148 children, said in her statement to the press, "WOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!
"Lenny, if you're listening, you can stick your pitiful child support and go buy yourself a toothbrush, you good for nothing, stank-mouthed fool."
Johnson claims that years of having no incentive to look for work has finally paid off, although it "sucks" that her kids will have to pay for their own college now.
WASHINGTON -- The U.S. House of Representatives on Thursday approved a $2.9 trillion fiscal 2008 budget that funds President George W. Bush's huge defense buildup while also adding money for Democrats' domestic priorities.
The budget will allot $0.1 trillion toward defense, while the other $2.8 trillion will go to the Democrats' domestic priority: Los Angeles welfare recipient Linda Johnson.
"This budget should set things right," said Democratic Rep. John Strat, "both with our defense against terror and also a single mother who fell through the system's cracks."
He added the plan "does more for adult health care, children's health care and more for education.
"For Ms. Johnson."
Johnson, 32 and a single mother of 148 children, said in her statement to the press, "WOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!
"Lenny, if you're listening, you can stick your pitiful child support and go buy yourself a toothbrush, you good for nothing, stank-mouthed fool."
Johnson claims that years of having no incentive to look for work has finally paid off, although it "sucks" that her kids will have to pay for their own college now.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Noah's Arc Used For Global Warming Awareness
According to AFP:
The environmental pressure group Greenpeace said Wednesday that its volunteers were constructing a model of the Biblical Noah's Ark on Mount Ararat in eastern Turkey to raise public awareness over global warming.
"Greenpeace started to build a Noah's Ark on the Mount Ararat to point to the threat of the new climate catastrophe," Andree Bohling, the group's energy campaigner, told a press conference here.
"Global climate change is the biggest threat to our planet since the times of Noah," he added. "We are about to face a new flood."
"Think of what Noah had to go through in the story," said group volunteer Andy Weaver. "Just like us, Noah had the knowledge of what was about to happen and what action he needed to take."
When asked if Greenpeace takes the Old Testament story about Noah literally as history, Weaver scoffed.
"It's just to make a point. Of course I don't believe in fairy tales," he said.
"I mean, come on! The story of Noah is just made-up, fairy tale nonsense with no hard scientific evidence to back it up. HA! Some people will believe in anything.
"Now, let's get back to the facts about man-made global warming and how it has already caused droughts, storms, floods, and will be the cause of every major war due to the lack of vital resources that will all be depleted due to this all-of-a-sudden climate change which will alter life on this planet in a disastrous and unimaginable way. It's true."
Weaver went on to say that the fact that man-made global warming will not only cause death and destruction on an unprecedented level, but it will actually impact the rotation of the earth, is nothing like the "fictional cartoons" of Biblical stories.
"You have to be careful with all these fantastical Bible stories," he said. "The stories don't become true just because you have some smart, well-dressed guy in a church preaching Biblical accounts of floods, famine and war due to God's wrath. Come on!"
Weaver hopes that Greenpeace's efforts will bring Al Gore into the presidential ring because "we need an intelligent, well-dressed individual in the highest office to warn the world about floods, famine and war due to global warming."
The environmental pressure group Greenpeace said Wednesday that its volunteers were constructing a model of the Biblical Noah's Ark on Mount Ararat in eastern Turkey to raise public awareness over global warming.
"Greenpeace started to build a Noah's Ark on the Mount Ararat to point to the threat of the new climate catastrophe," Andree Bohling, the group's energy campaigner, told a press conference here.
"Global climate change is the biggest threat to our planet since the times of Noah," he added. "We are about to face a new flood."
"Think of what Noah had to go through in the story," said group volunteer Andy Weaver. "Just like us, Noah had the knowledge of what was about to happen and what action he needed to take."
When asked if Greenpeace takes the Old Testament story about Noah literally as history, Weaver scoffed.
"It's just to make a point. Of course I don't believe in fairy tales," he said.
"I mean, come on! The story of Noah is just made-up, fairy tale nonsense with no hard scientific evidence to back it up. HA! Some people will believe in anything.
"Now, let's get back to the facts about man-made global warming and how it has already caused droughts, storms, floods, and will be the cause of every major war due to the lack of vital resources that will all be depleted due to this all-of-a-sudden climate change which will alter life on this planet in a disastrous and unimaginable way. It's true."
Weaver went on to say that the fact that man-made global warming will not only cause death and destruction on an unprecedented level, but it will actually impact the rotation of the earth, is nothing like the "fictional cartoons" of Biblical stories.
"You have to be careful with all these fantastical Bible stories," he said. "The stories don't become true just because you have some smart, well-dressed guy in a church preaching Biblical accounts of floods, famine and war due to God's wrath. Come on!"
Weaver hopes that Greenpeace's efforts will bring Al Gore into the presidential ring because "we need an intelligent, well-dressed individual in the highest office to warn the world about floods, famine and war due to global warming."
Monday, May 14, 2007
Edwards Sparks Student Unity For World Change
According to the AP:
Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards appealed to college graduates Saturday to join him in demanding an end to the war in Iraq.
"Congress' real power to end this war is to use its funding power. But while that's Congress' only real power, it is not the only power in America," Edwards said in a commencement speech at New England College. "The irresistible power of America lies in your hands, in the hands of the American people."
Resounding applause erupted from the student body as Edwards closed his speech. Many students said his speech sparked an empowerment and awareness among those in attendance.
"Mr. Edwards is right," said student Jane Abram, "the power is in our hands to get things moving forward."
Another student, William Lloyd, said, "I am only one person, but when the youth of this country are united behind issues like stopping the war and global warming, our leaders cannot turn a blind eye.
"We are the force of change," he said.
With a newfound enthusiasm, Lloyd outlined his momentous strategy in progressive global change.
"Tonight, I'm going to try and hook up with this big-boobed chick from my English class," he said.
"We're going to this 'school's-out' party at my buddy Steve's house. I'm going to get so freakin' wasted," said Lloyd while giving the "metal" salute with his right hand.
"College is all girls, fun and parties, dude...uh, as well as working toward a peaceful and meaningful future," he said in an abrupt solemn demeanor.
Lloyd said that while he would like to meet with other students this weekend to discuss Edwards' speech and how they are going to change the world, there is going to be a marathon of "The Office" on TV that he doesn't want to miss.
Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards appealed to college graduates Saturday to join him in demanding an end to the war in Iraq.
"Congress' real power to end this war is to use its funding power. But while that's Congress' only real power, it is not the only power in America," Edwards said in a commencement speech at New England College. "The irresistible power of America lies in your hands, in the hands of the American people."
Resounding applause erupted from the student body as Edwards closed his speech. Many students said his speech sparked an empowerment and awareness among those in attendance.
"Mr. Edwards is right," said student Jane Abram, "the power is in our hands to get things moving forward."
Another student, William Lloyd, said, "I am only one person, but when the youth of this country are united behind issues like stopping the war and global warming, our leaders cannot turn a blind eye.
"We are the force of change," he said.
With a newfound enthusiasm, Lloyd outlined his momentous strategy in progressive global change.
"Tonight, I'm going to try and hook up with this big-boobed chick from my English class," he said.
"We're going to this 'school's-out' party at my buddy Steve's house. I'm going to get so freakin' wasted," said Lloyd while giving the "metal" salute with his right hand.
"College is all girls, fun and parties, dude...uh, as well as working toward a peaceful and meaningful future," he said in an abrupt solemn demeanor.
Lloyd said that while he would like to meet with other students this weekend to discuss Edwards' speech and how they are going to change the world, there is going to be a marathon of "The Office" on TV that he doesn't want to miss.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Illegal Cat Problem
According to Reuters:
Keepers at a Mexican zoo are bottle-feeding round the clock after four big cats gave birth to nine cubs in two months, among them a rare white tiger.
Three 20-day-old Bengal tiger cubs, including the white female named Brisa, romp around a grassy enclosure while two lion cubs, a baby jaguar and three other tiger cubs frolic and chew each other's ears in a nearby wooden pen.
With the arrival of so many cats, zookeepers at the Puerto Vallarta zoo are concerned how these animals will be supported.
"The mom cats are single parents because all the fathers turned out to be a bunch of deadbeats," said zookeeper Maria Ortiz. "These big cats think they can pump out a bunch of babies on the zoo's peso, and that ain't going to happen. There is simply no money for them."
Hector Tiger, the Bengal tigers' uncle, crossed into the United States illegally to earn money for the cubs.
"I do what I can," said Hector, "but crossing the border can be dangerous."
Over the past two weeks, a major clampdown on illegal cats crossing into the United States began when an Iranian cheetah posing as a Mexican tried to cross into Texas with explosives.
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich accuses the democrats of not recognizing the potential dangers that illegal cats pose the national security.
"What if that cheetah used his explosives in the middle of a major city? Or what if an illegal lion eats somebody's kid? I don't want that kind of wake-up call for the government to finally solve the illegal cat problem," said Gingrich.
Gingrich suggested the U.S. build a giant scratching pole at the border to keep potential cat terrorists and coke-laced catnip runners out of the country.
Prominent democrats accused the former speaker of felinism.
Keepers at a Mexican zoo are bottle-feeding round the clock after four big cats gave birth to nine cubs in two months, among them a rare white tiger.
Three 20-day-old Bengal tiger cubs, including the white female named Brisa, romp around a grassy enclosure while two lion cubs, a baby jaguar and three other tiger cubs frolic and chew each other's ears in a nearby wooden pen.
With the arrival of so many cats, zookeepers at the Puerto Vallarta zoo are concerned how these animals will be supported.
"The mom cats are single parents because all the fathers turned out to be a bunch of deadbeats," said zookeeper Maria Ortiz. "These big cats think they can pump out a bunch of babies on the zoo's peso, and that ain't going to happen. There is simply no money for them."
Hector Tiger, the Bengal tigers' uncle, crossed into the United States illegally to earn money for the cubs.
"I do what I can," said Hector, "but crossing the border can be dangerous."
Over the past two weeks, a major clampdown on illegal cats crossing into the United States began when an Iranian cheetah posing as a Mexican tried to cross into Texas with explosives.
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich accuses the democrats of not recognizing the potential dangers that illegal cats pose the national security.
"What if that cheetah used his explosives in the middle of a major city? Or what if an illegal lion eats somebody's kid? I don't want that kind of wake-up call for the government to finally solve the illegal cat problem," said Gingrich.
Gingrich suggested the U.S. build a giant scratching pole at the border to keep potential cat terrorists and coke-laced catnip runners out of the country.
Prominent democrats accused the former speaker of felinism.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Pro-Abortion Signs Actually Work
A Kansas woman rethought her stance on abortion after reading a pro-abortion protest sign.
Lucy Garrison of Wichita, Kan. attended an "abortion rights" march in Washington last month in hopes to voice her own anti-abortion message.
When she arrived at the march, she saw a pro-abortion advocate holding up a sign from the National Organization for Women that read, "keep abortion legal."
"I never thought of it that way before," said Garrison. "I didn't know their side of the story until I read that sign. It's like a cloud has been lifted."
Garrison said that she used to rally against abortion based on her opinion that it is murder.
"Boy, was I wrong," she said. "Think of all the time I wasted worrying about this crap.
"The abortion rights advocates have a lot to say, and to me, they have summed up their brilliant argument on that sign."
During the march, violence almost erupted between the pro and anti-abortion protesters when shouting matches turned to pushing and shoving.
The abortion rights demonstrators averted a confrontation by flashing the "keep abortion legal" signs which resulted in mass hugs and staunch allies.
"They're right," said one former pro-life advocate while burying her face in her hands.
Several women who were converted by the sign's message noticed a change in their thinking that goes in line with most women who are pro-abortion - a sudden dislike for children and the urge to buy a couple of pet cats.
Lucy Garrison of Wichita, Kan. attended an "abortion rights" march in Washington last month in hopes to voice her own anti-abortion message.
When she arrived at the march, she saw a pro-abortion advocate holding up a sign from the National Organization for Women that read, "keep abortion legal."
"I never thought of it that way before," said Garrison. "I didn't know their side of the story until I read that sign. It's like a cloud has been lifted."
Garrison said that she used to rally against abortion based on her opinion that it is murder.
"Boy, was I wrong," she said. "Think of all the time I wasted worrying about this crap.
"The abortion rights advocates have a lot to say, and to me, they have summed up their brilliant argument on that sign."
During the march, violence almost erupted between the pro and anti-abortion protesters when shouting matches turned to pushing and shoving.
The abortion rights demonstrators averted a confrontation by flashing the "keep abortion legal" signs which resulted in mass hugs and staunch allies.
"They're right," said one former pro-life advocate while burying her face in her hands.
Several women who were converted by the sign's message noticed a change in their thinking that goes in line with most women who are pro-abortion - a sudden dislike for children and the urge to buy a couple of pet cats.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Newsweek Polls Skewed?
According to the Reuters:
President George W. Bush's approval rating has fallen to 28 percent in a Newsweek Poll released on Saturday, an all-time low for Bush in that survey.
Nearly two out of three Americans -- 62 percent -- believe Bush's recent actions in Iraq show he is "stubborn and unwilling to admit his mistakes," Newsweek reported.
Concerned that Newsweek skewed the reported polls, members of the media watchdog group Newsbatters obtained the actual questionnaire given to those polled.
"This poll was ridiculous," said Dean Majors of Newsbatters. "Newsweek obviously worded their questions to get specific answers."
Newsweek's multiple choice poll read:
1. Bush's recent actions in Iraq show he is
A) stubborn and unwilling to admit his mistakes.
B) able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
C) believes the moon is made from cheese.
2. If the election was held tomorrow, you would vote for
A) Illinois Sen. Barack Obama
B) a ticket featuring Rudy Giuliani and a rapist/child molester
C) a cantaloup
3. Who do you trust more to defend the United States against terrorists:
A) Hillary
B) Clinton
C) Bullwinkle Moose
4. How do you feel about how Bush has handled the war in Iraq?
A) Disappointed
B) Tennis racket
C) McDonald's
"If you read these polls, the skewing is obvious," said Majors.
Sean Philips of Newsweek defended the polls, stating that the magazine is merely reporting how the public answers the questions.
He said, "You'd be surprised how many people would vote for a cantaloup over Obama."
President George W. Bush's approval rating has fallen to 28 percent in a Newsweek Poll released on Saturday, an all-time low for Bush in that survey.
Nearly two out of three Americans -- 62 percent -- believe Bush's recent actions in Iraq show he is "stubborn and unwilling to admit his mistakes," Newsweek reported.
Concerned that Newsweek skewed the reported polls, members of the media watchdog group Newsbatters obtained the actual questionnaire given to those polled.
"This poll was ridiculous," said Dean Majors of Newsbatters. "Newsweek obviously worded their questions to get specific answers."
Newsweek's multiple choice poll read:
1. Bush's recent actions in Iraq show he is
A) stubborn and unwilling to admit his mistakes.
B) able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
C) believes the moon is made from cheese.
2. If the election was held tomorrow, you would vote for
A) Illinois Sen. Barack Obama
B) a ticket featuring Rudy Giuliani and a rapist/child molester
C) a cantaloup
3. Who do you trust more to defend the United States against terrorists:
A) Hillary
B) Clinton
C) Bullwinkle Moose
4. How do you feel about how Bush has handled the war in Iraq?
A) Disappointed
B) Tennis racket
C) McDonald's
"If you read these polls, the skewing is obvious," said Majors.
Sean Philips of Newsweek defended the polls, stating that the magazine is merely reporting how the public answers the questions.
He said, "You'd be surprised how many people would vote for a cantaloup over Obama."
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
O'Donnell Recieves Other Offers
According to Fox News:
Rosie O'Donnell is walking away from "The View" the undisputed winner of what has been a nightmare situation for ABC. Rosie already has had offers from NBC and CBS for daytime shows to counter "The View," sources say.
A top executive from NBC expressed hope that O'Donnell's politically extremist views will help the network gain a wider embrace of the 18-34 year-old, crazy, big mouthed, angry lesbian demographic.
"NBC believes they can work it for mainstream network television," said Bobby Henderson of TV Then & Now magazine. "Right now, only the Bravo network works that demographic."
While NBC may want O'Donnell to help with their declined ratings, executives at CBS foresee a face-saving strategy in hiring the polarizing figure.
"After what we went through with Rather and what were going through now with the Couric ratings slump, the public have lost a bit of faith in us," said a CBS executive. "In the face of all our past mistakes, hiring Rosie O'Donnell would be the smartest thing in the world for us to do."
Due to Katie Couric's poor ratings, some believe that CBS may consider O'Donnell to host the CBS Evening News. An insider at CBS said that the evening news format will change to a half-hour op-ed piece featuring only O'Donnell.
The CBS insider said that "her unsubstantiated conspiracy theories and leftist rhetoric bellowing forth with that angry Fred Flintstone-like demeanor will earn CBS some credibility and send our ratings through the roof."
Rosie O'Donnell is walking away from "The View" the undisputed winner of what has been a nightmare situation for ABC. Rosie already has had offers from NBC and CBS for daytime shows to counter "The View," sources say.
A top executive from NBC expressed hope that O'Donnell's politically extremist views will help the network gain a wider embrace of the 18-34 year-old, crazy, big mouthed, angry lesbian demographic.
"NBC believes they can work it for mainstream network television," said Bobby Henderson of TV Then & Now magazine. "Right now, only the Bravo network works that demographic."
While NBC may want O'Donnell to help with their declined ratings, executives at CBS foresee a face-saving strategy in hiring the polarizing figure.
"After what we went through with Rather and what were going through now with the Couric ratings slump, the public have lost a bit of faith in us," said a CBS executive. "In the face of all our past mistakes, hiring Rosie O'Donnell would be the smartest thing in the world for us to do."
Due to Katie Couric's poor ratings, some believe that CBS may consider O'Donnell to host the CBS Evening News. An insider at CBS said that the evening news format will change to a half-hour op-ed piece featuring only O'Donnell.
The CBS insider said that "her unsubstantiated conspiracy theories and leftist rhetoric bellowing forth with that angry Fred Flintstone-like demeanor will earn CBS some credibility and send our ratings through the roof."
Funeral For Racial Slur
According to the AP:
The NAACP will hold a symbolic funeral for the "N" word in Detroit this summer.
Supporters of the civil rights group will conduct the services and eulogy for the racial slur.
Thousands of mourners are expected to attend, including members of the Ku Klux Klan, various rap and hip-hop artists, and the publisher of "Outrageously Offensive Jokes" volumes I-IV.
A similar mock funeral was going to be held for the word "cracker", but was cancelled due to protests from Keebler and Nabisco.
The NAACP will hold a symbolic funeral for the "N" word in Detroit this summer.
Supporters of the civil rights group will conduct the services and eulogy for the racial slur.
Thousands of mourners are expected to attend, including members of the Ku Klux Klan, various rap and hip-hop artists, and the publisher of "Outrageously Offensive Jokes" volumes I-IV.
A similar mock funeral was going to be held for the word "cracker", but was cancelled due to protests from Keebler and Nabisco.
McCain At Wedding March: "I Am Prepared To Lead"
With thanks and apologies to the AP
Sen. John McCain touted his experience and Western roots in his bid for the White House during a brief campaign stop Saturday at Stan and Linda Smith's wedding reception in Elko, Nevada.
During the traditional wedding march, McCain took the initiative and stepped to the front of the line.
"I am prepared to lead," the Arizona Republican told the approximately 30 guests, out of the 150 in attendance, who began lining up for the march.
McCain's visit to the reception was part of a five-state, four-day swing to officially kickoff his presidential campaign.
During the march, he told supporters: "It's not lightly, my friends, that I embark on this effort to be leader of the free world and this wedding march."
Later, McCain took the small stage in the reception hall to address the crowd, criticizing Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid while offering his solutions to the Iraq war.
"I know war. I know peace. I served in the military, I know how the military works. I know how the world works," he said.
Then, to the crowd's delight, McCain burst into a rendition of "Copa Cabana".
Sen. John McCain touted his experience and Western roots in his bid for the White House during a brief campaign stop Saturday at Stan and Linda Smith's wedding reception in Elko, Nevada.
During the traditional wedding march, McCain took the initiative and stepped to the front of the line.
"I am prepared to lead," the Arizona Republican told the approximately 30 guests, out of the 150 in attendance, who began lining up for the march.
McCain's visit to the reception was part of a five-state, four-day swing to officially kickoff his presidential campaign.
During the march, he told supporters: "It's not lightly, my friends, that I embark on this effort to be leader of the free world and this wedding march."
Later, McCain took the small stage in the reception hall to address the crowd, criticizing Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid while offering his solutions to the Iraq war.
"I know war. I know peace. I served in the military, I know how the military works. I know how the world works," he said.
Then, to the crowd's delight, McCain burst into a rendition of "Copa Cabana".
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Dems Clash Over War Retreat
According to the AP:
Democratic presidential hopefuls flashed their anti-war credentials Thursday night, heaping criticism on President Bush's Iraq policy in the first debate of the 2008 campaign.
"The first day I would get us out of Iraq by diplomacy," said New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson, one of eight rivals on the debate stage.
"If this president does not get us out of Iraq, when I am president, I will," pledged Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York.
"That's what I just said, idiot," said Richardson. "Plus, I said I would do it on the FIRST day. It would take you, like, two or three weeks."
Clinton said that the assertions made by Richardson were false, and that while he would get the U.S. out of Iraq on the first day, she would do it "within the first two hours."
"I don't want to get caught up in this childish argument," said Sen. John Edwards, "but since we've gone there, I would get us out of Iraq as soon as they announced me as president. I mean the very second. I promise to have the phone up to my ear with my fingers on the buttons so as to minimize the time from when I become the president to when I call off this war."
Sensing that Edwards had gained the lead in the quickest withdraw from the war, Sen. Clinton conceded the point with, "Why are you even here?"
She then recommended that instead of calling off the Iraq war, Edwards should use the phone to call his "mamma."
Edwards refused to respond to what he says is both a weak attempt at stifling debate and at trying to make a funny 'yo mamma' joke.
"Call my mom to do what? asked Edwards. "It didn't make sense."
Democratic presidential hopefuls flashed their anti-war credentials Thursday night, heaping criticism on President Bush's Iraq policy in the first debate of the 2008 campaign.
"The first day I would get us out of Iraq by diplomacy," said New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson, one of eight rivals on the debate stage.
"If this president does not get us out of Iraq, when I am president, I will," pledged Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York.
"That's what I just said, idiot," said Richardson. "Plus, I said I would do it on the FIRST day. It would take you, like, two or three weeks."
Clinton said that the assertions made by Richardson were false, and that while he would get the U.S. out of Iraq on the first day, she would do it "within the first two hours."
"I don't want to get caught up in this childish argument," said Sen. John Edwards, "but since we've gone there, I would get us out of Iraq as soon as they announced me as president. I mean the very second. I promise to have the phone up to my ear with my fingers on the buttons so as to minimize the time from when I become the president to when I call off this war."
Sensing that Edwards had gained the lead in the quickest withdraw from the war, Sen. Clinton conceded the point with, "Why are you even here?"
She then recommended that instead of calling off the Iraq war, Edwards should use the phone to call his "mamma."
Edwards refused to respond to what he says is both a weak attempt at stifling debate and at trying to make a funny 'yo mamma' joke.
"Call my mom to do what? asked Edwards. "It didn't make sense."
The Bush/Nixon Strategy
According to the Washington Times:
Emboldened congressional Democrats have turned up their rhetoric when talking about President Bush, comparing him to Richard M. Nixon and using sharp language that conjures up images of secluded dictators.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada (said): "The president is as isolated, I believe, on the Iraq issue as Richard Nixon was when he was hunkered down in the White House."
"The president remains incredibly weak and at odds with public opinion. ... His approval rating streak is now in the ballpark of Richard Nixon's in the months leading up to his resignation," read the Emanuel memo, first reported by the Associated Press.
"President Bush is basically a Richard Nixon-covered Nixon with a thick Richard Nixon filling," said Sen. Hillary Clinton (N.Y.).
"We have political lies of a stubborn president, Americans protesting, and an illegal war still rages," said Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois. "Bush is so Nixon, man.
"Hey Bush. 1969 through 1974 called. It wants its president back."
Vice President Dick Cheney dismissed the Democrat's strategy of comparing the president to the "stubborn" Nixon of Watergate as a "ridiculous notion."
Rep. James P. Moran of Virginia shot back with, "Shut up, Gerald FORD. HAHA! He's Nixon and you're Ford."
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi applauded the Bush/Nixon strategy as "a brilliant and witty way to usher a Democrat into the White House in 2008."
Pelosi said that although such name-calling may not resonate well with more dignified and serious-minded voters, "that's nothing new from our past tactics."
Emboldened congressional Democrats have turned up their rhetoric when talking about President Bush, comparing him to Richard M. Nixon and using sharp language that conjures up images of secluded dictators.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada (said): "The president is as isolated, I believe, on the Iraq issue as Richard Nixon was when he was hunkered down in the White House."
"The president remains incredibly weak and at odds with public opinion. ... His approval rating streak is now in the ballpark of Richard Nixon's in the months leading up to his resignation," read the Emanuel memo, first reported by the Associated Press.
"President Bush is basically a Richard Nixon-covered Nixon with a thick Richard Nixon filling," said Sen. Hillary Clinton (N.Y.).
"We have political lies of a stubborn president, Americans protesting, and an illegal war still rages," said Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois. "Bush is so Nixon, man.
"Hey Bush. 1969 through 1974 called. It wants its president back."
Vice President Dick Cheney dismissed the Democrat's strategy of comparing the president to the "stubborn" Nixon of Watergate as a "ridiculous notion."
Rep. James P. Moran of Virginia shot back with, "Shut up, Gerald FORD. HAHA! He's Nixon and you're Ford."
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi applauded the Bush/Nixon strategy as "a brilliant and witty way to usher a Democrat into the White House in 2008."
Pelosi said that although such name-calling may not resonate well with more dignified and serious-minded voters, "that's nothing new from our past tactics."
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Gore To Save New Planet
According to the AP:
For the first time astronomers have discovered a planet outside our solar system that is potentially habitable, with Earth-like temperatures, a find researchers described Tuesday as a big step in the search for "life in the universe."
The planet is just the right size, might have water in liquid form, and in galactic terms is relatively nearby at 120 trillion miles away.
Scientists, while excited about the discovery, are concerned that those inhabiting the planet may not know the dangers of global warming.
Former Vice President Al Gore believes that it's not too late to warn the possible population of the planet about the floods, droughts, famine, and wars they will certainly face due to inhabitant-created climate change.
"My God, we have to find a way to get out there," said Gore. "We have to warn them about global warming and tell them how to live to avoid such a catastrophe."
Skeptics were quick to inform the former vice president that life on the newly-discovered planet is only a theory and it is possible we may never know if the planet is inhabited by life, let alone intelligent life.
"Theory, huh?" said Gore. "Then it must be true."
Gore then promised to produce and star in a documentary based on the so-called "theory" that there is intelligent life on the Earth-like planet and that the inhabitants are the main cause of global warming on their fragile planet.
Sheryl Crow plans a world tour on the planet following the release of the film.
For the first time astronomers have discovered a planet outside our solar system that is potentially habitable, with Earth-like temperatures, a find researchers described Tuesday as a big step in the search for "life in the universe."
The planet is just the right size, might have water in liquid form, and in galactic terms is relatively nearby at 120 trillion miles away.
Scientists, while excited about the discovery, are concerned that those inhabiting the planet may not know the dangers of global warming.
Former Vice President Al Gore believes that it's not too late to warn the possible population of the planet about the floods, droughts, famine, and wars they will certainly face due to inhabitant-created climate change.
"My God, we have to find a way to get out there," said Gore. "We have to warn them about global warming and tell them how to live to avoid such a catastrophe."
Skeptics were quick to inform the former vice president that life on the newly-discovered planet is only a theory and it is possible we may never know if the planet is inhabited by life, let alone intelligent life.
"Theory, huh?" said Gore. "Then it must be true."
Gore then promised to produce and star in a documentary based on the so-called "theory" that there is intelligent life on the Earth-like planet and that the inhabitants are the main cause of global warming on their fragile planet.
Sheryl Crow plans a world tour on the planet following the release of the film.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Obama To End War If Elected
According to the AP:
A woman's tearful plea to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama to end the Iraq war momentarily caught him off guard Friday at a New Hampshire town hall meeting.
The Illinois senator vowed to end the conflict if elected.
Asked how he would end the war, Obama replied, "By the power of Grayskull!"
He then pulled out a sword, pointed it upwards with outstretched arms and said, Thunder! Thunder! Thunder! Thundercats! HOOOOOOOOO!"
Afterwards, the uncomfortable stunned silence was broken by town hall attendee Alex Freeman, asking, "What the hell was that?" It was unclear if Freeman was confused by Obama's theatrics or by the fact that the presidential candidate mixed together two very different cartoons.
Without answering, Obama dropped his sword, pulled a can of spinach from his inner coat pocket and proceeded to try and squeeze it open with his right hand.
Through strenuous grunts, Obama said, "I make a solemn pledge to you now, that as president, I will get Duke, Lady J, Snake Eyes, and the rest of our military out of this war quickly."
A woman's tearful plea to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama to end the Iraq war momentarily caught him off guard Friday at a New Hampshire town hall meeting.
The Illinois senator vowed to end the conflict if elected.
Asked how he would end the war, Obama replied, "By the power of Grayskull!"
He then pulled out a sword, pointed it upwards with outstretched arms and said, Thunder! Thunder! Thunder! Thundercats! HOOOOOOOOO!"
Afterwards, the uncomfortable stunned silence was broken by town hall attendee Alex Freeman, asking, "What the hell was that?" It was unclear if Freeman was confused by Obama's theatrics or by the fact that the presidential candidate mixed together two very different cartoons.
Without answering, Obama dropped his sword, pulled a can of spinach from his inner coat pocket and proceeded to try and squeeze it open with his right hand.
Through strenuous grunts, Obama said, "I make a solemn pledge to you now, that as president, I will get Duke, Lady J, Snake Eyes, and the rest of our military out of this war quickly."
Sunday, April 22, 2007
U.S. Sets Torture Example
According to CNSNews, Larry Cox, executive director of Amnesty International, claims the war on terror has become the war against human rights.
He said the detainees at Guantanamo are being held in conditions that can lead to mental illness, that the inmates are possibly being tortured, but "exactly what happens to these people is kept a secret from all of us."
Asked if it is only a "possibility" and if what happens to the detainees is actually kept "secret", then how does he know for sure that they are in fact being tortured.
"Because it's the American military," said Cox. "That's what they would do, isn't it? I mean, I figure they would torture them and stuff, you know, because we're the evil ones, see?"
Cox then added, "What they do at Guantanamo is not light weight. Compared to teaching children to become suicide bombers or to videotape the beheading of innocent people is NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING to what our American soldiers are doing to those poor detainees. They're only crime is that they want us dead."
Cox then buried his face in his hands and began weeping, occasionally peeking through his fingers to make sure the people around him were looking.
After gaining his composure, Cox blasted reports that what the military does at these camps help to prevent other terrorist attacks.
"Baloney," he said. "You know why we haven't had another attack on American soil since 9/11? Because our so-called 'enemy' notices how people like ME act, and how people like ME are looking out for them and it melts their hearts.
"I'm sure most of the so-called "terrorists" have thrown down their weapons and have become happy, productive humanist-secularists."
Cox believes that when the United States condones torture, then it sends the message to the world's dictators that such methods are justifiable.
"If the U.S. didn't embrace torture, then we would set the example and no other dictator on earth would embrace such tactics either."
Cox hopes that by him not condoning torture, by the Americans only, it will set the example for the rest of the world, resulting in world peace forever and ever.
He said the detainees at Guantanamo are being held in conditions that can lead to mental illness, that the inmates are possibly being tortured, but "exactly what happens to these people is kept a secret from all of us."
Asked if it is only a "possibility" and if what happens to the detainees is actually kept "secret", then how does he know for sure that they are in fact being tortured.
"Because it's the American military," said Cox. "That's what they would do, isn't it? I mean, I figure they would torture them and stuff, you know, because we're the evil ones, see?"
Cox then added, "What they do at Guantanamo is not light weight. Compared to teaching children to become suicide bombers or to videotape the beheading of innocent people is NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING to what our American soldiers are doing to those poor detainees. They're only crime is that they want us dead."
Cox then buried his face in his hands and began weeping, occasionally peeking through his fingers to make sure the people around him were looking.
After gaining his composure, Cox blasted reports that what the military does at these camps help to prevent other terrorist attacks.
"Baloney," he said. "You know why we haven't had another attack on American soil since 9/11? Because our so-called 'enemy' notices how people like ME act, and how people like ME are looking out for them and it melts their hearts.
"I'm sure most of the so-called "terrorists" have thrown down their weapons and have become happy, productive humanist-secularists."
Cox believes that when the United States condones torture, then it sends the message to the world's dictators that such methods are justifiable.
"If the U.S. didn't embrace torture, then we would set the example and no other dictator on earth would embrace such tactics either."
Cox hopes that by him not condoning torture, by the Americans only, it will set the example for the rest of the world, resulting in world peace forever and ever.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Cremation Bad For Earth
According to the AFP:
An Australian scientist called Wednesday for an end to the age-old tradition of cremation, saying the practice contributed to global warming.
NOTE: The real story here is funnier than anything that can be made up and joked about on this blog.
An Australian scientist called Wednesday for an end to the age-old tradition of cremation, saying the practice contributed to global warming.
NOTE: The real story here is funnier than anything that can be made up and joked about on this blog.
Scientists Running Out Of Global Disasters
Scientists have predicted various disasters to impact the earth in the coming years due to global warming.
According to Live Science, the earth will attain higher levels of environmental instability resulting in disappearing glaciers, epic flooding, drought, famine, diseases, extinction of plants and animals, and even a change in the rotation rate of the earth.
While the list may seem menacing, scientists are frustrated that they cannot come up with more disasters that could potentially destroy every living creature.
"Sure, the list of disasters is awesome," said scientist Thomas Gibson. "But people have survived floods, droughts, and famine in the past. We need a global warming disaster so catastrophic that even the cockroaches couldn't survive.
"Otherwise, people won't be scared enough to take what I have to say seriously."
Gibson claims that coming up with new global warming-produced disasters is difficult, but it's worth it to put the fear into people, even if the predictions are a little far-fetched.
"Sure people may scoff at melting glaciers," said Gibson, "but how about a giant asteroid that will collide with the earth because global warming caused something to happen with, um, the earth's magnetic field, which somehow will attract asteroids or something.
"I'm still working on that one."
Other global warming catastrophes that Gibson is kicking around: oceans of lava, killer mutants, loss of gravity, quicksand, illiteracy, human spontaneous combustion, and something to do with midgets.
According to Live Science, the earth will attain higher levels of environmental instability resulting in disappearing glaciers, epic flooding, drought, famine, diseases, extinction of plants and animals, and even a change in the rotation rate of the earth.
While the list may seem menacing, scientists are frustrated that they cannot come up with more disasters that could potentially destroy every living creature.
"Sure, the list of disasters is awesome," said scientist Thomas Gibson. "But people have survived floods, droughts, and famine in the past. We need a global warming disaster so catastrophic that even the cockroaches couldn't survive.
"Otherwise, people won't be scared enough to take what I have to say seriously."
Gibson claims that coming up with new global warming-produced disasters is difficult, but it's worth it to put the fear into people, even if the predictions are a little far-fetched.
"Sure people may scoff at melting glaciers," said Gibson, "but how about a giant asteroid that will collide with the earth because global warming caused something to happen with, um, the earth's magnetic field, which somehow will attract asteroids or something.
"I'm still working on that one."
Other global warming catastrophes that Gibson is kicking around: oceans of lava, killer mutants, loss of gravity, quicksand, illiteracy, human spontaneous combustion, and something to do with midgets.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Opossum Stage May End Abortion Debate
A crushing blow has been delivered to abortion opponents by a recent discovery showing that the human fetus is actually an opossum.
Abortion rights groups always fell in the shadow of the assumption that abortion was morally wrong because a fetus is an actual human being. The new discovery that a fetus is instead an opossum has excited the pro-abortion crowd as it flabbergasts scientists.
"The 'opossum stage' is simply an amazing discovery," said scientist Donald Brooks.
"Once the sperm fertilizes the egg and the cells begin dividing, the inconsequential blob of cells become an opossum, and will stay in the opossum stage for 9 months until it comes out of the womb as a human baby.
"It's not magic. It's science!"
Pro-abortion activist Lee Stevens believes the discovery of the opossum stage will be the death blow to the abortion debate.
"Essentially, an opossum is a rodent," said Lee, "and who WOULDN'T want to kill a rodent?"
However, the pro-abortion crowd may find resistance from some animal rights activists who are torn between a mother's right to choose and the life of an opossum.
While animal rights groups such a Animals Safety Secured did not have an "official position on abortion," that all changed with the discovery of the opossum stage.
Animal Safety Secured member Gloria Reed said that opossums "deserve consideration of their best interests regardless of whether they are rodents that are deemed useless to humans."
She continued, "Opossums should have the right to equal considerations of their interests. For instance, an opossum most certainly has an interest in not having pain and death inflicted on him or her unnecessarily. We are, therefore, obliged to take that interest into consideration and to respect the opossum's right not to be murdered.
"Of course we didn't take this stance when we thought the fetus was just a human baby."
For pro-abortion activists, such opposition returns them to the drawing board in determining what constitutes an opossum. Is it really an opossum while still in the womb?
"Look," said Lee Stevens, "it really isn't an opossum until it is born. However, once it's born it becomes a human baby, so I don't know what all the bitching is about."
Abortion rights groups always fell in the shadow of the assumption that abortion was morally wrong because a fetus is an actual human being. The new discovery that a fetus is instead an opossum has excited the pro-abortion crowd as it flabbergasts scientists.
"The 'opossum stage' is simply an amazing discovery," said scientist Donald Brooks.
"Once the sperm fertilizes the egg and the cells begin dividing, the inconsequential blob of cells become an opossum, and will stay in the opossum stage for 9 months until it comes out of the womb as a human baby.
"It's not magic. It's science!"
Pro-abortion activist Lee Stevens believes the discovery of the opossum stage will be the death blow to the abortion debate.
"Essentially, an opossum is a rodent," said Lee, "and who WOULDN'T want to kill a rodent?"
However, the pro-abortion crowd may find resistance from some animal rights activists who are torn between a mother's right to choose and the life of an opossum.
While animal rights groups such a Animals Safety Secured did not have an "official position on abortion," that all changed with the discovery of the opossum stage.
Animal Safety Secured member Gloria Reed said that opossums "deserve consideration of their best interests regardless of whether they are rodents that are deemed useless to humans."
She continued, "Opossums should have the right to equal considerations of their interests. For instance, an opossum most certainly has an interest in not having pain and death inflicted on him or her unnecessarily. We are, therefore, obliged to take that interest into consideration and to respect the opossum's right not to be murdered.
"Of course we didn't take this stance when we thought the fetus was just a human baby."
For pro-abortion activists, such opposition returns them to the drawing board in determining what constitutes an opossum. Is it really an opossum while still in the womb?
"Look," said Lee Stevens, "it really isn't an opossum until it is born. However, once it's born it becomes a human baby, so I don't know what all the bitching is about."
Sunday, April 15, 2007
The Global Warming Wars
According to the AP at CNN, top retired generals warn that global warming will eventually cause a security threat to the United States, which will be forced into worldwide wars over water and other shortages.
The story states:
...that in the next 30 to 40 years there will be wars over water, increased hunger instability from worsening disease and rising sea levels and global warming-induced refugees. "The chaos that results can be an incubator of civil strife, genocide and the growth of terrorism," the 35-page report predicts.
"The report is roughly the size of a comic book and easily read," said Gen. Charles Finster. "Especially with the cool 4-color panels I drew on each page to depict the global warming war action!"
When questioned if the report may seem too alarmist to be taken seriously, Gen. Finster replied, "Shut up, ass."
Gen. Finster continued, "It's true. We'll go to war over water, the dead will rise from the grave, and possibly 75% of the earth's population will be covered in boils. It's all covered in my slugfest-filled comic book. I mean report."
The story states:
...that in the next 30 to 40 years there will be wars over water, increased hunger instability from worsening disease and rising sea levels and global warming-induced refugees. "The chaos that results can be an incubator of civil strife, genocide and the growth of terrorism," the 35-page report predicts.
"The report is roughly the size of a comic book and easily read," said Gen. Charles Finster. "Especially with the cool 4-color panels I drew on each page to depict the global warming war action!"
When questioned if the report may seem too alarmist to be taken seriously, Gen. Finster replied, "Shut up, ass."
Gen. Finster continued, "It's true. We'll go to war over water, the dead will rise from the grave, and possibly 75% of the earth's population will be covered in boils. It's all covered in my slugfest-filled comic book. I mean report."
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Pink Stuns Music Community With Bush-Bash
Pink stunned the music community by writing songs that bash the Bush administration.
According to music experts, these lyrics place Pink, musically, in uncharted waters.
"No artist has ever done this before," cried music critic Steven Franks. "To bash the Bush administration is an unbelievably bold step, not only for Pink, but for the music industry. We've never seen ANYONE do this EVER."
"Her originality and courage will shine," said music producer Stan Garret. "I doubt many artists will follow in her brave, unique shoes. She's the first to think this up and any others who try to write songs bashing Bush would be mere imitators."
There has been no comment from the Bush camp regarding this stunning event, but Pink fan Freddie Simmons believes that Bush may step down from office after hearing Pink's new release.
"He would have no choice," said Simmons. "Pink's music is simply that powerful."
According to music experts, these lyrics place Pink, musically, in uncharted waters.
"No artist has ever done this before," cried music critic Steven Franks. "To bash the Bush administration is an unbelievably bold step, not only for Pink, but for the music industry. We've never seen ANYONE do this EVER."
"Her originality and courage will shine," said music producer Stan Garret. "I doubt many artists will follow in her brave, unique shoes. She's the first to think this up and any others who try to write songs bashing Bush would be mere imitators."
There has been no comment from the Bush camp regarding this stunning event, but Pink fan Freddie Simmons believes that Bush may step down from office after hearing Pink's new release.
"He would have no choice," said Simmons. "Pink's music is simply that powerful."
Step It Up on Global Warming!
According to the AP on Fox News, concerned Americans met Saturday on ski slopes nationwide to demonstrate against global warming:
More than 1,300 events were organized in every state under the banner Step It Up 2007 to push Congress to require an 80 percent cut in carbon dioxide emissions by 2050.
"When it comes to global warming, I don't exactly think President Bush is doing such a hot job," said 12-year-old New Yorker Tiffany Cordero. "A lot of people are thinking just of now. But we won't have a 'now' if we don't focus on the future."
Other 12-year-olds who know what they're talking about include Billy Meadows who earned his Earth Science degree from Michigan State University.
"President Bush is doing an awful job...infinity." said Meadows.
More than 1,300 events were organized in every state under the banner Step It Up 2007 to push Congress to require an 80 percent cut in carbon dioxide emissions by 2050.
"When it comes to global warming, I don't exactly think President Bush is doing such a hot job," said 12-year-old New Yorker Tiffany Cordero. "A lot of people are thinking just of now. But we won't have a 'now' if we don't focus on the future."
Other 12-year-olds who know what they're talking about include Billy Meadows who earned his Earth Science degree from Michigan State University.
"President Bush is doing an awful job...infinity." said Meadows.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Live Earth Will Play To Billions
Top musical artists will perform the Live Earth concerts on July 7 to help raise awareness of the changing climate (aka. global warming).
Artists such as Madonna, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and the Foo Fighters, among others, are participating for the sole reason of their love of the earth's future inhabitants, all of who may die from melting glaciers if the Live Earth concerts do not save them.
One of the guys from the Foo Fighters who is not Dave Grohl said, "This is going to be killer! We'll be playing not for only thousands, but the WORLD. And every magazine and newspaper will have coverage. You can't even dream of press like this! Our CD sales will shoot through the roof, man.
"Oh, yeah, and the climate."
According to the Associate Press, promoters hope that the concert will reach an audience of 2 billion people. This raises concerns of the impact on the earth's oxygen supply as a result from a giant simultaneous 2 billion-person yawn.
Artists such as Madonna, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and the Foo Fighters, among others, are participating for the sole reason of their love of the earth's future inhabitants, all of who may die from melting glaciers if the Live Earth concerts do not save them.
One of the guys from the Foo Fighters who is not Dave Grohl said, "This is going to be killer! We'll be playing not for only thousands, but the WORLD. And every magazine and newspaper will have coverage. You can't even dream of press like this! Our CD sales will shoot through the roof, man.
"Oh, yeah, and the climate."
According to the Associate Press, promoters hope that the concert will reach an audience of 2 billion people. This raises concerns of the impact on the earth's oxygen supply as a result from a giant simultaneous 2 billion-person yawn.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Honoring a War Hero Bad For Children!
According to a story from CNSNews, a statue to honor fallen war hero Danny Dietz in his hometown of Littleton, Colo. has drawn criticism.
Dietz was a Navy Seal who was killed in combat in Afghanistan two years ago. The statue honoring him shows Deitz holding a rifle. This raised the concerns of two women, including Emily Cassidy who believes that Littleton has a "stigma" due to the Columbine shootings from 1999.
According to CNSNews:
No one objected to honoring Dietz for his heroism, insisted Emily Cassidy, a mother of two children in Littleton. What she objected to was a statue of a soldier, holding a weapon, located across the street from an elementary school and near two other schools.
"It should be used as a learning tool. Don't just pluck it down in the middle of children," Cassidy told Cybercast News Service. "In their eyes, it's just a nine-foot guy with a gun."
Other concerned Littleton citizens, including Wilfred J. Wimpe, agrees with Cassidy's ideas and states the statue can cause confusion.
"We do have a stigma here," Wimpe said. "Also, I'm a moron. I can't tell the difference between a war hero who fought and died for his country and a couple of sick, deranged, murdering mental cases. If I can't tell the difference, how can I explain it to my children?"
Dietz was a Navy Seal who was killed in combat in Afghanistan two years ago. The statue honoring him shows Deitz holding a rifle. This raised the concerns of two women, including Emily Cassidy who believes that Littleton has a "stigma" due to the Columbine shootings from 1999.
According to CNSNews:
No one objected to honoring Dietz for his heroism, insisted Emily Cassidy, a mother of two children in Littleton. What she objected to was a statue of a soldier, holding a weapon, located across the street from an elementary school and near two other schools.
"It should be used as a learning tool. Don't just pluck it down in the middle of children," Cassidy told Cybercast News Service. "In their eyes, it's just a nine-foot guy with a gun."
Other concerned Littleton citizens, including Wilfred J. Wimpe, agrees with Cassidy's ideas and states the statue can cause confusion.
"We do have a stigma here," Wimpe said. "Also, I'm a moron. I can't tell the difference between a war hero who fought and died for his country and a couple of sick, deranged, murdering mental cases. If I can't tell the difference, how can I explain it to my children?"
Al Gore Film Fest Opener
The Tribeca Film Festival will welcome former Vice President Al Gore as the event's opening act on April 25.
Mr. Gore will begin the festival by walking on a pond of water taken from the melting ice caps.
His act will be filmed for the upcoming documentary "Messiah of Climate Protection" to debut at next year's festival.
Mr. Gore will begin the festival by walking on a pond of water taken from the melting ice caps.
His act will be filmed for the upcoming documentary "Messiah of Climate Protection" to debut at next year's festival.
Monday, April 9, 2007
"Star Trek" Actor Could Cause Global Warming
Scientists believe that the ashes of James Doohan, who played Scotty on the original "Star Trek" series, may become a leading cause of global warming.
On April 28, Doohan's ashes are to be loaded into a rocket and launched into space. Worried scientists state that if his ashes somehow seep out of the rocket, Doohan could possibly encircle the earth which would trap heat causing the temperature on the earth to rise.
"He was not a slight man," said scientist Phil DiPina.
DiPina mentioned that if Doohan's ashes somehow mixes with "Star Trek" creator Gene Roddenberry's ashes, which were launched into space in 1997, the "impact on earth would be devastating."
On April 28, Doohan's ashes are to be loaded into a rocket and launched into space. Worried scientists state that if his ashes somehow seep out of the rocket, Doohan could possibly encircle the earth which would trap heat causing the temperature on the earth to rise.
"He was not a slight man," said scientist Phil DiPina.
DiPina mentioned that if Doohan's ashes somehow mixes with "Star Trek" creator Gene Roddenberry's ashes, which were launched into space in 1997, the "impact on earth would be devastating."
Mars Warming Up
According to a story from Reuters, the planet Mars may be going through its own global warming.
Apparently, strong dust storms trap heat, causing the planet's temperature to rise.
The nature of planet-based global warming is drawing skeptical interest from the scientific community.
To find similar global warming problems on Mars that have been found here on earth, scientists plan to launch a probe to determine the number of SUVs found driving around on the surface of the red planet.
Apparently, strong dust storms trap heat, causing the planet's temperature to rise.
The nature of planet-based global warming is drawing skeptical interest from the scientific community.
To find similar global warming problems on Mars that have been found here on earth, scientists plan to launch a probe to determine the number of SUVs found driving around on the surface of the red planet.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Tracking Global Warming
Scientists will soon use an advanced tracking device similar to the satellite-based Global Positioning System to help track pockets of global warming.
According to scientist Phil DiPina, these pockets, easily followed by the Global Warming Positioning System, can determine if specific "natural" phenomena detected is happening naturally or due to man-made global warming.
"Last summer we noticed an influx of june bugs around a local camping ground," said DiPina. "We had to determine if the apparent high number was due to man-made global warming."
After checking the data from the GWPS, DiPina had concluded that it was indeed global warming causing the infestation, even though the GWPS offered contradictory information.
"I'm sure it's wrong," he said. "That seems to happen all the time."
DiPina sited other examples such as when the ice machine in his freezer stopped making ice cubes.
"I know that global warming was responsible," he said. After receiving conflicting GWPS data regarding global warming's impact on his freezer, he checked into the "theory" that his freezer had broke down.
"Even if it's true that it somehow magically 'broke down', I can't rule out the possibility of man's contribution to the dismantling of my ice maker."
DiPina claims to be working on upgrades to the GWPS to make its data reflect a more environment-friendly outcome.
According to scientist Phil DiPina, these pockets, easily followed by the Global Warming Positioning System, can determine if specific "natural" phenomena detected is happening naturally or due to man-made global warming.
"Last summer we noticed an influx of june bugs around a local camping ground," said DiPina. "We had to determine if the apparent high number was due to man-made global warming."
After checking the data from the GWPS, DiPina had concluded that it was indeed global warming causing the infestation, even though the GWPS offered contradictory information.
"I'm sure it's wrong," he said. "That seems to happen all the time."
DiPina sited other examples such as when the ice machine in his freezer stopped making ice cubes.
"I know that global warming was responsible," he said. After receiving conflicting GWPS data regarding global warming's impact on his freezer, he checked into the "theory" that his freezer had broke down.
"Even if it's true that it somehow magically 'broke down', I can't rule out the possibility of man's contribution to the dismantling of my ice maker."
DiPina claims to be working on upgrades to the GWPS to make its data reflect a more environment-friendly outcome.
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