Opossum Stage May End Abortion Debate

A crushing blow has been delivered to abortion opponents by a recent discovery showing that the human fetus is actually an opossum.

Abortion rights groups always fell in the shadow of the assumption that abortion was morally wrong because a fetus is an actual human being. The new discovery that a fetus is instead an opossum has excited the pro-abortion crowd as it flabbergasts scientists.

"The 'opossum stage' is simply an amazing discovery," said scientist Donald Brooks.

"Once the sperm fertilizes the egg and the cells begin dividing, the inconsequential blob of cells become an opossum, and will stay in the opossum stage for 9 months until it comes out of the womb as a human baby.

"It's not magic. It's science!"

Pro-abortion activist Lee Stevens believes the discovery of the opossum stage will be the death blow to the abortion debate.

"Essentially, an opossum is a rodent," said Lee, "and who WOULDN'T want to kill a rodent?"

However, the pro-abortion crowd may find resistance from some animal rights activists who are torn between a mother's right to choose and the life of an opossum.

While animal rights groups such a Animals Safety Secured did not have an "official position on abortion," that all changed with the discovery of the opossum stage.

Animal Safety Secured member Gloria Reed said that opossums "deserve consideration of their best interests regardless of whether they are rodents that are deemed useless to humans."

She continued, "Opossums should have the right to equal considerations of their interests. For instance, an opossum most certainly has an interest in not having pain and death inflicted on him or her unnecessarily. We are, therefore, obliged to take that interest into consideration and to respect the opossum's right not to be murdered.

"Of course we didn't take this stance when we thought the fetus was just a human baby."

For pro-abortion activists, such opposition returns them to the drawing board in determining what constitutes an opossum. Is it really an opossum while still in the womb?

"Look," said Lee Stevens, "it really isn't an opossum until it is born. However, once it's born it becomes a human baby, so I don't know what all the bitching is about."