Tracking Global Warming

Scientists will soon use an advanced tracking device similar to the satellite-based Global Positioning System to help track pockets of global warming.

According to scientist Phil DiPina, these pockets, easily followed by the Global Warming Positioning System, can determine if specific "natural" phenomena detected is happening naturally or due to man-made global warming.

"Last summer we noticed an influx of june bugs around a local camping ground," said DiPina. "We had to determine if the apparent high number was due to man-made global warming."

After checking the data from the GWPS, DiPina had concluded that it was indeed global warming causing the infestation, even though the GWPS offered contradictory information.

"I'm sure it's wrong," he said. "That seems to happen all the time."

DiPina sited other examples such as when the ice machine in his freezer stopped making ice cubes.

"I know that global warming was responsible," he said. After receiving conflicting GWPS data regarding global warming's impact on his freezer, he checked into the "theory" that his freezer had broke down.

"Even if it's true that it somehow magically 'broke down', I can't rule out the possibility of man's contribution to the dismantling of my ice maker."

DiPina claims to be working on upgrades to the GWPS to make its data reflect a more environment-friendly outcome.