Illegal Cat Problem

According to Reuters:

Keepers at a Mexican zoo are bottle-feeding round the clock after four big cats gave birth to nine cubs in two months, among them a rare white tiger.

Three 20-day-old Bengal tiger cubs, including the white female named Brisa, romp around a grassy enclosure while two lion cubs, a baby jaguar and three other tiger cubs frolic and chew each other's ears in a nearby wooden pen.

With the arrival of so many cats, zookeepers at the Puerto Vallarta zoo are concerned how these animals will be supported.

"The mom cats are single parents because all the fathers turned out to be a bunch of deadbeats," said zookeeper Maria Ortiz. "These big cats think they can pump out a bunch of babies on the zoo's peso, and that ain't going to happen. There is simply no money for them."

Hector Tiger, the Bengal tigers' uncle, crossed into the United States illegally to earn money for the cubs.

"I do what I can," said Hector, "but crossing the border can be dangerous."

Over the past two weeks, a major clampdown on illegal cats crossing into the United States began when an Iranian cheetah posing as a Mexican tried to cross into Texas with explosives.

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich accuses the democrats of not recognizing the potential dangers that illegal cats pose the national security.

"What if that cheetah used his explosives in the middle of a major city? Or what if an illegal lion eats somebody's kid? I don't want that kind of wake-up call for the government to finally solve the illegal cat problem," said Gingrich.

Gingrich suggested the U.S. build a giant scratching pole at the border to keep potential cat terrorists and coke-laced catnip runners out of the country.

Prominent democrats accused the former speaker of felinism.