Military Prepared For Global Warming Strike

According to Reuters:

LONDON - Global warming is such a threat to security that military planners must build it into their calculations, the head of Britain's armed forces said on Monday.

Jock Stirrup, chief of the defense staff, said risks that climate change could cause weakened states to disintegrate and produce major humanitarian disasters or exploitation by armed groups had to become a feature of military planning.

"So far, Global Warming has violated 13 U.N. resolutions," said Stirrup, "and if diplomatic measures meet their end, our military will have no choice but to respond with force."

Scientists have long predicted that Global Warming could be a root cause in future wars between nations with fragile and unstable governments.

Ian Humphries, British Ambassador to Global Warming, believes a preemptive strike is inevitable.

"I say we take it to Global Warming before it brings it to us," said Humphries.

Many human rights organizations have voiced strong disagreement to a military strike against Global Warming, pleading for diplomacy to work.

"I say no to war," said William Rogers, member of Another Human Right Group. "Even though all we do is bitch about Global Warming, it isn't worth going to war."

Judy Shelton of Yet Another Human Rights Group is worried that if some Global Warming is captured, it will be tortured at the hands of the U.S. and British military.

"Just because Global Warming is a worldwide-catastrophe theory does not mean it doesn't have rights," said Shelton.